I blew a fuse.

I was killing it today!! I got up early. I wrote a blog post. I took my two sons to a birthday party full of loud kids, an arcade, and laser tag. I stayed cool as a cucumber.

I have been having trouble these last few months with getting overstimulated. If there is too much noise, I literally have to plug my ears because the anxiety gets so bad. You can imagine how fun this can get working in a high school. But today, I was on fire! I chatted with the other parents, and I wasn’t anxious or aggravated with all the noise and chaos. BAM!!!

Then this thing happened, and it happens a lot. I want to know if this is familiar to anyone else. I was prepared for the party and ready to tackle it. On the way home, I got a call from my husband that I needed to swing by the store and pick up more ink for the printer and fire logs.

You would have thought he had asked me to climb Mt. Everest. This wasn’t part of the plan. I wasn’t able to keep driving to the store to pick up these simple things. I drove home instead. I figured I would just rest for a little bit and then head back out. That was 3 hours ago and I can’t get off the couch.

I keep running the process through my head: Put shoes on, grab keys, drive to Wal-mart, grab ink, grab fire logs, go to check out, pay, go back home. These are such simple tasks, but the idea of them is exhausting me. This should be easy! I am a functioning adult! I am paralyzed.

A simple unexpected errand has thrown my whole day off. I have to go. I am going to go right after I post this. I had planned to do tons of grading tonight. In my head, if go do the errands, I can’t do the grading. Lots of people do all kinds of different and productive things in a day. Of course I can go out and still grade papers, but in my head I am limited to what I had planned.

Does anyone else have these feelings? Do simple, unplanned tasks throw you into a panic?

I did kick ass at that birthday party though. Baby steps.

1. Put shoes on…….

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9 thoughts on “I blew a fuse.

  1. Wow can I relate! My husband gets so mad if I don’t run simple errands but it’s usually because of an anxiety. My driving phobia or just interrupting a perfectly planned out day. I’m also obsessed with time and clocks

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  2. that is the story of my life! i do the listing things i have to do to get out the door, down the street, to the store, and all the same stuff on the way home. i rarely leave because i just can’t get through that.

    i get sidetracked incredibly easily and all my plans can fall through instantly. i have such high hopes for a day, and then it just sinks down down down.

    the hard part is trying to figure out what to do about it. how to avoid it. what to do when it starts happening? i can answer all those sorts of things for panic attacks, but not for this sort of thing (i don’t even know, is there a name for it? lol i just have to categorize things, lame, i know. 🙂 )

    i really feel for you and you ever have any good ideas on how to deal with it, be sure to tell me! 😀

    (and i’m happy to talk about it with you, too, if you want.)

    btw, i wrote a blog about a very similar thing…disappointment, just a couple of days ago!

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  3. I also deal with this on a daily basis. Well some of it. It’s not often that I get super motivated although I really enjoy when I am, but little things totally can throw me off. Someone could even just call me to ask me a simple question that requires a small “decision”, and instead of being able to give an answer I freeze. I’m so down tonight that I’m already afraid I won’t make a doctors appointment I have in the morning. It’s already flying through my head as though I’ll miss the appointment and then fail through the rest of my day. I like what you said though, baby steps. Also I do try to give myself credit for really small things like just throwing on some clothes instead of turning that into some 30 minute stressful event.

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    • I hate hearing that you are in that bad place. It seems like there is never a time that we feel “normal.” I am either maintaining, medicating, and dealing with my quirks or I am neck deep in a depression and incapable of anything. I know you are in deep right now, but get to that doctors appointment. Wear your sweats and don’t even think about showering. Plan a nap for the rest of the day. Besides, you don’t get your money’s worth when you only went to the doc when you felt well! Lay it all out for him/her and make him earn his paycheck.

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  4. I tell my mum I have a male brain ..I can only do one thing at a time (no offence intended). More than that, or changes to schedule and it feels like noise and stress in my head. Thought it was just my personality. Thank you for this! X

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